You stretch langurously, you feel wonderful, you stay still in the bed, eyes shut, you hear something buzzing on the bed, a faint sound, filtered, muted but audible, enough to unsettle your sleep. It's the sound of your alarm clock. You want to wake up. It was something you had promised yourself last night, and the night before, and several other nights before that. In fact, you had pleaded with yourself that you would start studying from tomorrow. You look at the clock and somehow convince yourself into sleeping for 10 more minutes. You are 2 hours into your sleep when you hear a voice,
"get up you fucking piece of shit." That's... my conscience, always telling me to get it together.
I drag myself out of the bed. I pick up corporate law, and all I do is stare at it. I am so fucking pathetic.
I mean, I am looking at the book. The book's looking at me.
The book's looking at me like "what the fuck are you doing."
And I am like "I don't have a fucking idea."
Studying would have been extremely easy if it weren't for all the factors that conspire to stop me from being organised.
The first, and perhaps the biggest factor is me myself. I always have a picture of what I want to do, how I am going to do it. Unfortunately soon after starting I get a craving for subway burgers which is followed by a fag and coffee. Then I get distracted, thinking about what I should have done last week.
If this weren't bad enough, there are other scumbags too, just popping in for a chat, or asking for some information right away even though its going to take an hour to collect it, and I am already working on an urgent something.
There are phone calls, texts and cries for help and demands for attention. Those shitheads are out to snatch my time whenever they can. Even without other people the rest of the world eats away my time.
Then there is one real problem even if i manage to do everything I want to do,( a heavily packed schedule, phone switched off, a mind prepared for slogging, lots of books cluttered on the desk) I can not seem to start studying.
I have finished my lunch, I want to take an afternoon nap, but I can't, for I have to study (scheduled to study). You see, problem can't be without a solution and solution without a problem. I do what they call procrastination and I call it a little improvisation(it rhymes too).If I take my nap I have to cover it up late at night which is okay, for a nap will help me stay up at night. And that, of course, sounds very believable.
At 5 in the evening, I am still stuck in the same chapter. And so far my study routine has consisted of procrastination denial and sulking."Get on with it you fucking nutjob." Yeah, you are right, that's my dirty mouth trash talking conscience again.
It's 9pm. And I am studying for the last two hours, or at least trying to. Contrary to the 'should be flow of thoughts,' there are certain questionable thoughts trespassing in my mind, like taking a small break, having an early dinner, or coffee. Basically I am looking for any damn excuse I can find to get me out of this study desk without feeling too bad about myself.
When I come back after taking an elongated dinner break, I call a friend and ask him" what did he do today." He says," he barely did anything and his day was a complete waste." I take a sigh of consolation after Hearing this.
It's midnight, and I, as opposed to what I had originally planned, am thinking of sleeping. I rationalise, irrationalise, personalise, de-personalise, and after several acrimonious negotiations and re-negotiations I talk myself into going to bed with a promise to wake up really early tomorrow. Because I have a heavily packed schedule, phone switched off, and lots of books cluttered on the desk.
