The Demon And The Dwarf

I woke with a chill up my spine....

...In the midst of a gloomy weather outside through which it was impossible to see the scantily clad girl in the building next to mine, except her ankles and her bare hands rested on her knees. I stood up, and just as I opened the window, the wind from the window cut across the curling smoke of my ginger tea, ripping it apart, shattering its rhythm, telling that it does not have the strength to make it's way round; thats what my ca final exams are contrived to do to me.

Until recently, I was living a normal desultory life; shitty alright, but I was unabashedly enjoying it-like a pig in the shit, but now it has become a commingling of self-inflicted desolation and iridescent fear.An innocent girls boobs, that's what I have become-fucking boobs! getting squeezed, pawed, and tweaked by ugly, horny, deceitful sods.

...I sat stoned, disillusioned, trying to avoid all the excruciating thoughts that were there in my head, throbbing, whimpering, whichever was worse; resuscitating every last bit of zeal that I was looking for in my deadening self, but could not find, and my heart was pounding hard enough to add to the burgeoning scare.I wondered if I had a heart attack, i wondered if that girl in the adjacent building had anything to do with my fate, I wondered ,for that matter, if anything in the world had anything to do with my fate.

Opaque as it may sound, but you have to be a masochist to get through the monstrosity of CA final'l syllabus that you are never going to enjoy.
which brings me back to the question of "why I woke up with a chill up my spine!"..

...It was a dream, but you don't know its a dream until you wake up. i was running, and a lot of people were running with me. i quickened my pace; as if it was a race.
Running towards the foyer of a mountainous building that seem to touch the sky.
People pushing and shoving each other, and i wondered why.
I entered a room that was so small that any breathing was nearly impossible.I was trapped.
who could ever beat the demon who walked when people clapped.The demon entered the room and a nauseating silence made its presence felt. a frightening chill went up mine spine just as knelt.

I stood there frozen, shaken; I was stirred.Scared at the sight of whistling, giggling demon, and I couldn't say a word.
It grabbed me, wanting to humiliate me.
It slapped me, threatening to decapitate me.
He was very scary when he leaned.I must admit, to my shame...I screamed.
Once in a while I would wail and cry. Despite it's protestations, I would stand op and try.

... In a moments time it'll end, in a moments time, there will be nothing, but parts of my body, and my head in the bloodstained hands of the triumphant demon, howling...

The Procrastinating Student

You stretch langurously, you feel wonderful, you stay still in the bed, eyes shut, you hear something buzzing on the bed, a faint sound, filtered, muted but audible, enough to unsettle your sleep. It's the sound of your alarm clock. You want to wake up. It was something you had promised yourself last night, and the night before, and several other nights before that. In fact, you had pleaded with yourself that you would start studying from tomorrow. You look at the clock and somehow convince yourself into sleeping for 10 more minutes. You are 2 hours into your sleep when you hear a voice,
"get up you fucking piece of shit." That's... my conscience, always telling me to get it together.

I drag myself out of the bed. I pick up corporate law, and all I do is stare at it. I am so fucking pathetic.
I mean, I am looking at the book. The book's looking at me.
The book's looking at me like "what the fuck are you doing."
And I am like "I don't have a fucking idea."

Studying would have been extremely easy if it weren't for all the factors that conspire to stop me from being organised.
The first, and perhaps the biggest factor is me myself. I always have a picture of what I want to do, how I am going to do it. Unfortunately soon after starting I get a craving for subway burgers which is followed by a fag and coffee. Then I get distracted, thinking about what I should have done last week.

If this weren't bad enough, there are other scumbags too, just popping in for a chat, or asking for some information right away even though its going to take an hour to collect it, and I am already working on an urgent something.
There are phone calls, texts and cries for help and demands for attention. Those shitheads are out to snatch my time whenever they can. Even without other people the rest of the world eats away my time.

Then there is one real problem even if i manage to do everything I want to do,( a heavily packed schedule, phone switched off, a mind prepared for slogging, lots of books cluttered on the desk) I can not seem to start studying.

I have finished my lunch, I want to take an afternoon nap, but I can't, for I have to study (scheduled to study). You see, problem can't be without a solution and solution without a problem. I do what they call procrastination and I call it a little improvisation(it rhymes too).If I take my nap I have to cover it up late at night which is okay, for a nap will help me stay up at night. And that, of course, sounds very believable.

At 5 in the evening, I am still stuck in the same chapter. And so far my study routine has consisted of procrastination denial and sulking."Get on with it you fucking nutjob." Yeah, you are right, that's my dirty mouth trash talking conscience again.

It's 9pm. And I am studying for the last two hours, or at least trying to. Contrary to the 'should be flow of thoughts,' there are certain questionable thoughts trespassing in my mind, like taking a small break, having an early dinner, or coffee. Basically I am looking for any damn excuse I can find to get me out of this study desk without feeling too bad about myself.

When I come back after taking an elongated dinner break, I call a friend and ask him" what did he do today." He says," he barely did anything and his day was a complete waste." I take a sigh of consolation after Hearing this.

It's midnight, and I, as opposed to what I had originally planned, am thinking of sleeping. I rationalise, irrationalise, personalise, de-personalise, and after several acrimonious negotiations and re-negotiations I talk myself into going to bed with a promise to wake up really early tomorrow. Because I have a heavily packed schedule, phone switched off, and lots of books cluttered on the desk.

Things a man should not say/do

1) Wink wink.

2) Well, hellow.

3) Will you be my valentine.(to a stranger)

4) I want to do friendship with you.

5) A little bit of this, a little bit of that.

6) At the end of the day.( unless it's evening you are talking about)

7) Booty.(As neither ass nor plunder)

8) Wink at the queen, unless you are the president of America.

9) Never ask "will you dance with me(at a restaurant)

10) "can I ask you a question?"Didn't you give him/her a choice. Did you.

11) "Has the train come yet? If the train had come would I be standing here, you idiot.

12) In the elevator "I have new socks on."

13) "Did you see that?" No looser I have spent 200 bucks to come to the cinema to stare at the damn floor.

"Life Sucks And then You F*****g Die"

It's your birthday, It could have been any other day, but It's not.It's your fucking birthday.you are broke and you are horny.you take the last long drag from your fag, inhale the stinging smoke, and break into a cough. Your chest hurts, your throat's fucked up.It makes you want to scream on top of your voice until you are out of breath, asphyxiating.you can't even do that, you need to breath to do that, you would breath, if you were not coughing , that is.

I am sick for three days straight.I feel like a cheap whore, tired and fucked.Dark bags around my eyes waiting to eat my eyes.I look at the mirror, it reflects something that used to look like face, but now looks like a filthy twat.
On my way to the doctor'
s chamber, I have trouble breathing.when I reach, I have to wait until three other sick people get their prescriptions.

It's a horrible place, this doctor's chamber.Full of sick people, drained of energy.you look around, not a single fucking smile on their faces.but the unfortunate, rather, unpleasant part is that, you look at all these people and you look at yourself... you don't know who to feel more sorry for.

There's a square table in front of me, cluttered with magazines.I pick one of them up. It's full of anorexic models with their non-existent, almost invisible breasts covered in bikinis.Even in my perturbed and horrid state of mind, I skip these photos and start reading a story on ipad.

It's irritating to an annoyingly excessive extent, for I could barely read a few line without coughing.I bet if the Guinness people were here, they would felicitate me with the world record for incessant coughing.The receptionist tells me to go upstairs,a decision I have to repent in a short while.

When I reach the floor, I feel an acute pain in my chest.my chest is burning. My rib cage hurts, I am panting, my legs shake, my hands sweat and shake, the back of throat is getting dry, my lungs wail for air, they crash, stiffen, choke, and all I could manage is an irrepressible fit of coughing.

I can't hear anything, except a buzzing sound like a humming bee, suddenly everything around me is turning dark, and I faint... Next thing I remember is that I am surrounded by women dressed in green, wearing green masks.My legs are frozen, I can't move, my upper body is going numb. One of them who is carrying an oxygen masks, makes her way toward me, puts it on my mouth, tying to the back of my head.I close my eyes and think.that is it. that's how my life ends.
Omygod! omyfuckingod! Oh! No! Please ! NO! Fuck! Fuck! I am too young to die, I haven't even reached my puberty, I mean, I have, but that doesn't mean I'll have to die.

I have spent half of my life sleeping and the other half eating, and now I am going to die.
I am lying on the hospital bed, peeved, brittle clinging on to my life like the spider clinging on to the hospital ceiling, upside down.If I wasn't lying here I'd be partying somewhere, sozzled. But Now I have to lie on the hospital bed until I grew bored...

Not Imagining India

In old times, an Indian was born and drudged for the British till he died or cleaned royal toilets, I guess, they didn't have toilets then, so, he probably dug a big hole for the queen to poke her ass out and shit in, and that Indian had to clean the hole.One day he got pissed, and flew a hand grenade up their ass and fought until India got Independence from the stranglehold of the British.

This week India celebrated 63 years of it's independence.Prime minister's speech, patriotic songs, flag hoisting, social gathering in remembrance of the hero's of freedom struggle.....every one is happy and they get on with their lives.what are we celebrating?... 63 years of hunger, poverty, corruption.No!..we are celebrating a 7 percent GDP growth, shopping malls, a stable government full of jingoistic policies.Yeah.whatever.

What has freedom given us?.. for one we don't have to lick British arses anymore,.. and we've got enough big fat Indian arses sitting on powerful chairs to choose from...What is freedom?..Freedom is having a choice, freedom to choose.Well, you give us freedom to choose, right to vote, and we choose someone like Mayawati or Mamta Banerjee.This, isn't a discussion of "all politician are bad, all police officers are corrupt." No! to discuss that, would be to make horrors an object of discussion, this is not even an appeal to our national bodies to act more responsibly.

someone said, build infrastructure, integrate India, invest in the dysfunctional education system, and health care to make India a better place to live.Yeah,They could do that..once they are done haggling over a proposed 300 percent salary hike for the MPs.Ha.I don't have an amazing amount to talk about it, except it's hysterical.A series of walk outs, I mean.. can't you behave like humans, oh, that's too much too ask, okay, try behaving like monkeys, that will be a step up.

What do I think about this?.. I don't think about this.I don't have an opinion,no, not at all, I am not going to give my point of view, either.All I have is a question."why is India's youth so angry?" why do you see emotions of agony, resentment, anguish, indignation.. Because normal people are not always servile. Because normal people ask questions, demand accountability, transparency.Because there is disparity in India between people who have access to the goodies, and people who don't.
Because they don't have opportunity, least of all jobs.It's terrible how India hasn't solved the problem of malnutrition, where as much poorer countries like Africa has.What happens if you don't provide them nutritious food is that, you are not only hindering the growth of their brains, you are reducing the capabilities of the entire generation...
so, what can be done about it?..I don't know.. I already mentioned, I am done talking..We just like to talk and complain, the media like to sit and talk, for talking is easy, cowardish, but easy.

Do you hate Alok Chakraborty

For some reason, Alok Chakraborty needs an introduction, thirty years in teaching business, name slathered across calcutta for his prowess in cost accounting.This is Alok Chakraborty, discoverer, interpreter, creator of playful and hyperbolic offerings in the classroom, bubblegum-whipped, peripatetic genius, ill-tempered, bad mannered lout, warm hearted, rolling costing puzzles in his head,inviolable, unassailable, corpulent, bald, thick, juicy, fiftyish and unafraid: ladies and gentlemen,I give you the one and only Alok Chakraborty.

If you didn't know him, and you met him for the first time.You'd think he's a former heavyweight boxer or retired alcoholic wrestler.You'd think of anything but a teacher.A clean shaven man, who packed with so much pedagogy dignity that he could have been born in any country on any of the five continents and he would still have become a cost accounting teacher.
His ability to carry himself with martial grace and his talent to instill fear in 21 year old adults is legendary.I don't know any other teacher who could crack the dirtiest of jokes in the class and get away with it.

He has all over the room, cameras, so powerful, that if he zoomed in, he could see how many hair you have on your bum.So unlike the nature of his peers, he would check the home work of each and every student, no matter how much time it takes.if you happen to forget to do his homework, you are in for an embarrassment of epic proportions,he'd make stand up.hold your ears, sometimes bring you to the podium, make you look in the camera, just so the whole class can see you in the giant screen and laugh at you.
Because of his brazen and brusque manner of dismissing your question, if you Had a question, you'd rarely ask and even if you manage to ask you'd rarely get what you were looking for.

Do I understand Alok Chakraborty. Yes. I do.Its not always easy, but I do.I can even relate to him. of course, we weren't supposed to need to. He was supposed to be above that.He was never supposed to be a likable man, and never pretended to be.

He transcends beer tests, barbecue tests, and the rest of the tests of whether he was 'likable' enough as a teacher.It doesn't matter whether i want to have beer with him or not,He is Alok Chakraborty.What he represents is much larger than an individual, even himself.It is not necessarily a good thing that I have come to understand him, but I do. His brand is discipline.He wants you to care to study.He cares for your exam, probably the only teacher who does.

Do I hate Alok Chakraborty? of, course I do.everyone does.If there are 1000 CA finals students that he teaches, I bet they all hate him.But if you ask me out of all the subjects, which one I have given the most attention to, I have to say its cost.I am forced to study cost,everyone is.It's a difficult subject in the context of CA final exams.I think I have had enough, before I start typing about CA final exams and fill another 2-3 pages I've got to click on publish.

Why It's okay To Taste Your Own Breast Milk

Kourtney Kardashian, you have to understand is not crazy.The thirty year actress has confessed that she has tasted her own breast milk, and she liked it.No..! there's nothing to be astonished about,or disgusted or exited or whatever it is that people feel when they read something like this.

According to a recent poll in America, thirty percent of women said, they have tasted their own breast milk, thirty five percent said, they would like to taste their breast milk, thirty had indifferent opinion, five percent said they'd like to taste someone Else's(that must have been paris hilton and her friends).

Breast milk is a milk for infants, supposed to be highly nutritious. By mentioning this I don't mean to say that she is drinking her own milk for nutritious purpose, oh! come'on, its not like she is feeling a bit dizzy and she suddenly starts sucking her milk producing organ.No! that... I am sure she wouldn't do. That would be.. uh.. I don't know.. there are some things which are quite difficult to explain.

And if you are one of those "there is a reason behind every thing" types.Then you are free to do a research on it.but I think it's like asking why sky is blue, grass green, or why someone likes missionary position.Why the fuck do you even care.

Oh ! and that's time! sorry, guys, but this kind of stuff makes my eyes roll back in my head. I am, however, obligated to say that if there are questions you have, delete them from your head.and that's enough of that.kourtney, we forgive you, for drinking your own milk, as a matter of fact, who wouldn't?

Why am I talking about this? WTF I am better off those lousy news channels who are busy telecasting dhoni's weedding, or some sting operation or paris hilton's sex tape and every damn shit that can be captured on camera.

2 Drunk men, Royal Bengal room, Girls, and bullshitting

"I think its on the left somewhere," the girl said.She said that pointing her fingers to the right.Either she was very stupid or day dreaming looking at two a little drunk and good looking men."
"You mean on the right side," I said
She managed a nervous smile and by the time she could say something, her friend pulled her by her hand, turned her and walked away telling me "it's there somewhere."
"wasn't that a Little rude," my friend DK said.I am not sure she heard it, even if she did, she did not turn back.

"Do you often come to city centre," DK asks.
"yes"
"Do you know where is royal Bengal room"
"It's near hangout"
"Where is hangout, actually we are new i the city," DK said
"It's near ...um...okay, come I'll show you."
He is so good at lying, especially with girls. There is not much to talk about DK, except he is tall, stinking rich, and he exists.
He thanked her, complimented her on her clothes or bag or some other shit that I cant remember.I call him Casanova,very apposite for him.

"Which state are you from," the woman asks.
"United states," I say.she laughs manically. I had to say this to stop two people staring at each other with obscene thought running in their heads..

A good 40 minutes had passed, we had asked this question to about 10 odd people.It was DK's idea, he likes bullshitting.
Then we saw a tall married women with attractive features, and loads of make up, she must put on make up with a shovel to have a face look like white paint.
I stared at all that was protruding, although I didn't want to. I was still staring while DK popped with the question.

she stopped, looked at me, examined all my organs, asked my name, where I lived, and promised to take us to Royal Bengal Room. Either she really wanted to help us or she was too sexually deprived.When we got to Royal Bengal room, to our utter dismay, It was closed, we had to pretend that we were calling someone to open the door, until she left, and before it became embarrassing.

Three girls were walking towards us, they were dressed in pink or black or pink or black, I am not sure.They had the usual smiles, the usual make up ALA Sex And The City, only they were younger and didn't have martini glasses in their hands.We step in and ask the usual question.One of them nudged another and she nudged someone else,we were made to repeat twice, then they came up with "ask someone else, we don't know."
How dumb isn't it.
"And that's it," I tell DK "you've had your fun ."
I turn and cross over to the side where the pan shop is.

Vuvuzela, Messi, me, and the biggest sporting extravaganza

You switch on the TV, you get a couch for yourself, you find a sweet a spot, and look for the remote, you can't find it, because you are sitting on it.You don't know that you are sitting on it, until you get up to pee, come back, sit on it again,and suddenly realise that your butt hurts.

You are pissed, you want to hurl the remote on to the TV, you would if you could, and if it wasn't a big ass plasma TV, You get to the sports channel, you don't look at the screen, you don't need to, you need to hear. yeah!If you hear that irritating noise of vuvuzela, you're sure the match is on.

You are bare foot, you are wearing shorts, your burgers are ready next to the table, you have a fag in one hand, and popcorn in another, and your favorite player is on show today, Lionel Messi.It feels wonderful.

Messi takes on three defenders, goes past another two, then he is tripped, pushed, shoved, and manhandled.These bloody German's wont let him play, wont let him have the ball.The crowd erupts, it's a goal, the German's score, all 4 of them. Diego Maradona berries his face in his hands.I wonder what he Will do after this defeat.I wonder what Argentina will do if he leaves.i wonder how messi's feeling. "He must be devastated," one of the commentator says.

This month has been a week of upsets.Brazil knocked out in the second round.Last year's finalist's Italy and France couldn't even make it to second round.Fedrer lost to berdych.It would have been another upset had Holland won, But spain deserved it.I am quite fond of the way Spain play, but I was a little disappointed, however.Yes they won the world cup, but didn't play like the champions.It doesn't matter what I think. What matter's is that, they are the European Champions and now the world champions.

Players like Kaka, Ronaldo, Rooney, Messi, Torres couldn't show their magic.Still, though veteran's like Robben, Forlarn and xavi showed their class.Thomas Muller must be in the seventh heaven. You are 20 years old, it's your first world cup, and you win the golden boot, that's what you call destiny, I guess. The biggest sporting event , We are going to miss it of course.The arguments, late night beer with friends, the roller coaster emotional ride, the octopus making headlines, winning bets.We use to bet like crazy,Really crazy, thank god Spain won or else my friend was supposed to piss on my feet, that was the bet.since the World Cup is over,If you are still wondering how you are going to spend your evenings.Read my blog.That's your answer.

There's always something to infuriate me, always.

Unless, of course, you have the charm, a pleasant appearance, and the grace to carry it off, all that attitude is nugatory.

I felt a twitch of annoyance, yes, I use the word twitch here Because that's exactly how I felt yesterday, during Sanjay Saraf's Strategic financial management's class, when I was asked not to talk by a girl sitting in front me.

Because It's seven in the morning, and because Sanjay Saraf is like your old uncle who just won't shut up, the class is exceedingly monotonous and sleep inducing, to say the least. Therefore I sit at the back, crack jokes, have fun, which the girl didn't seem to like, I presume.

Right. So I stop talking, not entirely, but partly, rather softly, not that I wanted to,however.But It's alright if It's causing people trouble.
I wouldn't have spoken to her had she been not arrogant while talking to me.

"Hey, were you not able to hear properly," I ask her.

"no," she says.

"I should hope not, it was a private conversation," I say with a big smile on my face.

"I know it was a private conversation,but I was getting distracted,"

what? It's a joke sunshine, and you are supposed to laugh, if you understand it, that is.

"you should focus on the screen instead of eavesdropping," I say with a smile not as big as the previous one.

"But I was getting distracted," she says pointing to her ears.

"shut the hell up, you just don't get it. Do you? It's all wasted on you.Isn't it? you white trash piece of dumb ass," I wanted to say this, but didn't(because she's a lady and you should treat her like a lady. I don't say it. Tom Jones says it in his song "She's A Lady")

I find it ludicrous and extremely puerile.Only goodness knows Why these girls have this deliberate an stubborn desire to behave unacceptably, It's like a turtle , you touch them and they'll go into their shell to protect themselves.

"I WISH I WAS WATER"

“Honey tell me” she asks now “why do you think people see aliens”

My face is in my hand and am shaking it, I say I’m sorry honey but go over there and please hide from me.

I sat her down and tried to explain. "Look honey" "I want you to ask yourself each time before you speak" "Is it making sense." If your answer to any of these question is "no," then whatever the thing is , no matter what, you are forbidden to tell me.
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One of my friends wanted to get couple of dogs, she says they are better than men.Ha
"baby, dogs cant love you, support you, go to bed with you, unless you are really desperate."
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Over there, in the corner, the girl who went to the washroom before calling out the order, That girl, walking with a small little hand bag in her hand or is that a dog.

Why don't I know her or someone like her. That girl, I bet, could make me very happy.
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"I can't remember," "What comes after C as in cat"
"No," it can't be D as in depression, but I prefer keeping my guesses to myself.
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I remember I used to drink Red Bull in the hope that it would energies me, that's how dumb I was.
Not too dumb, I think, the can said 'Energy drink.'
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My friend bought a DOKOMO Sim. When I asked why, he said, he liked the advert and wanted to have some fun with it, I think he forgot It's DOKOMO no DICKMO, but even if it was, why would he want to have fun with it, unless he's had a sex change recently that he wants to keep secret.
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I wish I was water, colorless, odorless and without a taste, and yet, no living can live without it.
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Our government office staff are not inefficient, they just don't want to work.

I was already tired and feeling a bit sick and they made me more tired and sick at canara bank. getting your job done quickly is not an easy task at non-private banks.Those who have been there know what I mean. When I went to this bank to withdraw some money they said “I cant withdraw” because it’s a minor account. I was like “What” it’s my account. They said the computer says I am a minor so they can’t honour the cheque.

“Don’t you fucking loose your temper on this,” I tell myself.

This sort of thing happens in these banks so I have to remain calm here. “if you don’t update your system, its none of my fault” I tell them. "We can’t do anything. We would need a photograph and your PAN card for verification."they say.( What the… I cant believe I am tolerating all this). I knew any explanation would be futile, and If I shout at them, I know for sure they’ll not do it even it’s an error on their part .

The only way out here is telling them, very politely that you really need money and addressing them as “SIR” telling sentences like “please sir”. It really works I say, 200 hundered years of colonialism and of addressing brits as "sir" if you didn’t want to get beaten up, it hasn’t changed a bit even after freedom.

So I said what I needed to, in a manner that I needed to. They told me to wait, in the mean time there was a man who was apparently denied payment too because he had written “seven thousand rupees only” in words which is incorrect as per the bank staff and he was supposed to write” seven thousand only”Ha.

I looked at my pen and thought there is a lot you can do with your pen like killing people, I was never going to do that ’I was just expressing an opinion.'

At times I can be verbally abusive. "No" "but really can't" "can't abuse them" "It wont have the effect" "To do that they'd have to know the language better, they'd have to know, first of all, what is a verb"

The Movie With Encapsulating Moments

When I was 12 my mom told me , "never judge a book by it's cover."
So when I was 22 I did.

After seeing "My name is Khan" I am forced to take back my views in my previous posts about this movie's promos. Yes, this Karn johar movie is predictable, yes, its also based in US but its filled with hair raising moments and great performances. My Name Is Khan is oddly compelling and at times riveting. The journey of Rizwan khan takes you on a 2.5 hrs emotional ride.

I am not going to talk about the story,screenplay,music as such . I liked the movie for it's encapsulating moments. Thus, I am going to tell you about that. I felt a little awkward to see the super star as an autistic person but after 5 minutes I started to love the character.


1. Kajol takes a chocolate from the table all ready to put it in the mouth glances over to shahrukh, shahrukh shakes his head and gestures like a fat person meaning "don't eat it, it will make you fat." Kajol puts it back on the table.

2. Shahrukh talking bout the usp of the product that he sells-kajol blocking his vision-shahrukh avoiding eye contact-finally meeting her eyes-kajol saying "I'll take it."

3.Shahrukh proposing to kajol while having haircut.

4.Kajol looks over San Francisco ( covered in early morning smoke), wearing her night suit, says "Marry Me" to shahrukh and audience all goes "Awwww."

5.Shahrukh telling Kajol - he has read "intercourse For dumbos" that he knows everything about sex - on their wedding night.

6. Shahrukh goes to a fund raising event for African children where he'll get the chance to meet the President, gives $500 required to have dinner with the President. The lady doesn't let him go inside, since, its a Christian only event and returns the money. Shahrukh then tells her to keep it for non Christian african children.

This is probably the first movie where Shahrukh doesn't lip sync. I have to say Karan johar has come of age , it's not a very powerfull movie but still spreads the msg of peace and communal harmony powerfully. If you don't go expecting too much from the movie then you will not be disapointed.

If you happened to like the song "Tere Naina" you'll start loving it after watching the movie.

Oh shit ! It's Valentines Day Again !!!!!

There was a time when one heard only of teacher’s day and children’s day. Today we are flooded with special days. There is Valentine ’s Day, friendship’s day, boss’s day, mother’s day, father’s day, veteran’s day- you name it you got it.
Valentine’s Day, one of the most popular special days which has caught on like fire. We have little or no connection with this occasion; yet, the response to Valentine’s Day in India has resulted in sales of cards and gifts that, I am told, surpasses even those of diwali!

There is now a special day for every relationship, each one designated for us tell our girlfriends/boyfriends mother’s, father’s, or whoever how much we love them , not of course by picking up the telephone and expressing our feelings, not even by writing a letter, but by sending cards, flowers, chocolates or gifts of one sort or another.

What we are witnessing is blatant commercialization of emotion. Its obvious that whole idea of having special days has stemmed from greeting card companies and producer’s of such thing as gifts , perfumes and confectionery. Cynics may sniff contemptuously about people falling for these marketing gimmicks but the truth of the matter is they won’t have succeeded had the ground in which the card companies sowed their seeds not been ultra fertile . Perhaps, as people live a busier life and spend less time their loved ones, they fel the need to assuage their guilt by making a fuss over them or perhaps with more money in their pockets, they welcome a new avenue of spending.

How one wonders, are these special days chosen! I dare say not, How do the greeting card companies decide which day eill be dedicated to which member of the family? When should boss be honoured and when the secretary? The answer—just follow the west…

We have also made our own indigenous offering: “Karva Chouth” as husband’s day “Bhaiya Dooj” as brothers day, and “Jamai Shasthi” as son-in-law’s day. So far traditionally we can look forward to their being jazzed up and with cards and sweets! but I’m afraid that no foreign company is inclined to take those days in their country.

THE PRINCIPLE , HIS DAUGHTER, AND MY PAY DAY(PART 2)

This post is a continuation of the my last post with the same title.

She, Then, moved towards the mirror, carefully arranged her hair, clipped it, when it was done, went inside the kitchen.
She came in with an empty jar to offer me water . I just love it when girls daydream and mess things up.

"Fill in your name on the cheque," the principle said.

I took the cheque and gave him cash, they were all 500 hundred rupee notes.

"you know there are so many fake notes in the market these days." he said while counting the notes using his spit.

"yes sir there are," I said

"These notes look suspicious to me." "You see this note, see how prominent the silver ribbon is", he said showing me the note.

Now he had started to really piss my brains off. I took the note inspected it carefully.(the note was perfectly fine)

"No sir I took them out from the ATM just now,"

"But that's no proof that they can't be fake."

"Sir, the note is fine you can check it for yourself . The silver/green security strip has got RBI printed on it, Gandhi's head is printed at center, 500 hundred printed transparently on the side..........

"Wo sab toh thik hai, he stopped me in between.But no one will take it.

"sorry sir I don't have any other note right now."

"Okay do one thing," "sign at back of each note," "just in case I have problems"

"what?" "shut the hell up, you filthy , potbellied egghead". I wanted to say , but that round face and pink lips flashed through my eyes again .I somehow resisted my impulses of abusing him.

I signed the notes, took the cheque, got up and got out.

i don't know how people like him exist. why people like him exist.

THE PRINCIPLE, HIS DAUGHTER, AND MY PAY DAY (PART 1)

When ever I see that beautiful round face and pink lips and wet hair, my heart - stops for a while, and I ask.

"Is your dad home ?"

She goes blank for a brief moment and I hear a voice.

"Come inside." Of her dad, my principle.

I visit his house once, every two months for my salary. I give him cash, he gives me
cheque, you know those transactions which are not really transactions. Who cares as long as I get a work certificate. This time I hadn't come to collect the cheque for four months.

I went in,sat at the table, ready to get assaulted, verbally.

"Why have you started missing payments again,"

"you are the only assistant I have who screws my accounts,"

"you know how risky it is these days, you know how irresponsible you are," he said very scathingly.

I wanted to kill him. I had already killed him several times, in my dreams. Some times I stab at the back of his neck with a dagger, sometimes I give him a sidekick and strangulate him from the back, sometimes I blow his rear end with a fire gun ALA VIN DIESEL.

I kill him, but always from behind for if I am to face him, I would scurry away in sheer fright, for he looks as close to a horror movie ghost that if the makers of "SAW" saw him they'll take him in their next movie.

"I am sorry sir." I said .

That is all I could come up with at that point in time. I experience a helpless silence sitting with him.

When I turned my head to the right, I saw her again, staring at me, our eyes met, suddenly she turned her eyes towards the window but stood at the same place making sure I had a clear view of her.

Girls know how to do this. You know you'd glance at them and as soon as you have an eye contact,hastily they'll look at the other side before you do the same, letting you stare at them. Because that's exactly what they want.

She, Then, moved towards the mirror, carefully arranged her hair, clipped it, when it was done, went inside the kitchen.


Hey its 1 o'clock and I haven't finished my story yet, anyway, Let me click on the
publish button for now. I'll finish the story tomorrow.

Turns Out That You Are Going To Get Manhandled If spoke even a Sentence With The Word Warming In It.

1- There are A few things you hate doing during winter , you know things like waking up.

2- someone told me, it is the human nature to be unsatisfied about everything in life , When it is hot you want cold and vice versa. I say WTF thank god I am human.


3- Where is Al Gore this winter, He needs to rewrite his book again.
It's so fecking cold today I dont feel like taking a shower. the worst part about taking a shower during winter? -- Getting out of the bathroom when the cool wind hits you naked, unless you are wearing a $500 fancy robe.

4- You are going to get beaten, battered, whiped, yelled, cursed, and manhandled if you spoke anything related to warming now.

5- Cold cold Go Away , come again another Day.

Dance Pe Chane

I came back home, got into the store room, took out a sledge hammer and was ready to hit my head with it, to get the wretched story of this film outta my head, but suddenly I remembered, that this movie had no story, and that's how I saved myself a bump on my head.

I would never have gone to watch "Dance Pe Chance" if it wasn't for my nephew and niece. I didn't even find the promos promising. Apart from the dancing skills of Mr. Kapoor, honestly, I don't find anything in the film that would pull crowds to the theater. Potholed script, miserable performance, poor direction was enough to turn me off.

Mr. Ken Ghose , I don't have sympathetic words for a deplorable, hopelessly inconsolable attempt at film making.

Eww.. Who The Hell Made This Stuff

Mr. Jugal Hansraj

Who are you ?? What are are you ?? Why are you doing this to us ?? Stop torturing us with movies like Pyaar Impossible and Roadside Romeo. Please stop making movies and start acting, you'll do good for yourself after all you're better looking than Uday Chopra.

Today when I came back from the theater half way through the movie.I realised, that
Pyaar Impossible had inflicted me with the kinda pain, I only suffered when I got my ears pierced.

As for Miss Priyanka Chopra.....I don't know What has gotten into her super intelligent head ? How can she do a movie like this. And I don't have anything to say to Uday Chopra, the critics have flushed him anyway.

THE CITY OF JOY

City of joy, capital of chaos, citadel of culture ? How do you describe Kolkata?

It's, in fact, a combination of all these and much more - a cocktail of an inimitable culture and literature with a few bandh snarls thrown in! The city's football mania is as overwhelming as it's love for art, fetish for fish and passion for Rabindrasangeet. The cultural fervour of this throbbing city would drown the fatigue and inertia that most people complain of .

I have an emotional tie with this city - it actually began by default during my days of childhood.I just can't leave this city because it's not up to the it's landmark.

Today kolkata is undergoing a metamorphosis from tradition to modernity, a study in contradictions. There is a steady current in the city's life akin only to the majestic flow of the ganga , like the endless ripples of this mighty river, this city in it's many hues.

Chupke Chupke Raat Din Aasun Bahana Yaad Hai

My eyes popped open to some sound. I looked at the clock, it was 9am, and it was my neighbors who were playing music very loudly as usual. It was still very cold so covered myself under the quilt again. I could still hear some hindi song playing outside and it barely took me 5 seconds to realise that it was "Chupke Chupke raat din" and I instantly got up and said wow! what a song, though I didn't want to. I must have heard this song after 7 or 8 years.

I was humming it while I was drinking tea, while I was taking shower, while I was Reading a book, And while I was getting scolded by my father. I desperately needed this song on my ipod.I knew that I didn't have this song in my computer, and My broadband connection wasn't working. so went to my brother room to check his collection, yes. My brother is your ultimate guide to 60's, 70's, and 80's music. But all my efforts went in vain. It was one those moments, you know, when curiosity grows on you until you fulfill that.

Now it was 12 o'clock, I had to drop my sister-in-law to some relatives place. t 2.30pm, I got into planet M, To my horrific surprise they did not have it either. The curiosity had become a challenge now, suddenly I got a idea , i called up my telecoms care, activated an Internet plan, got back home, plugged in the data cable, downloaded the live concert of this song. And there I was, listening to it, you had to be there to believe it.The harmonium played, the tabla complimented, the audience clapped, and I couldn't stop smiled.

I was blushing, blushing until my face reddened, until my jaw ached, until I got goose bumped. As i am posting this, the song is playing in back ground for the 17th time. And with every sher I am blushing again.

"HE" IS THE NEW "SHE"

Hi,

My name is Ronny I am 26 years old. I believe in taking care of myself. In the morning after i wake up I put on an ice pack which removes puffiness, and drink warm water with honey, After I remove the ice pack, I do 100 crunches for my upper and lower belly.

Then I use a deep pore cleanser, Then a honey almond body scrub, and on the face an exfoliating gel scrub. After that I apply an herbal facial mask Which I leave on for 10 minutes while I prepare a home made herbal body wash.

Then I have my break fast ..only wheat bread, you know, with orange juice because it gives you the glow.I always use an after shave lotion with little or no alcohol because alcohol dries your skin out and makes you look older.

I always use moisturiser cum sun block before I get out for my weekly hair removal session at the near by spa.And before sleeping I put on an anti-ageing eye balm followed by a final moisturising lotion.

This was the mail that I received when I asked my friend his secret of good looks .If this is what you call metro sexual, the urbane men of 2010, then we are in a big mess. Almost 60% men these days use fairness creams and lip balms and what not.

"He" has become the new she these days. Men have become more conscious of their looks than women.Corporates have flooded the market with cosmetics for men.All I have to say is "A polished shoe might look shinier but remains a shoe."

Status Updates

One thing I would Like to tell is that I hear about these social networking sites that lets you share and publish status updates or other updates, it makes me sometimes think "why does the world need it anyway." The idea is to make friends online where if I 'x' am Friends with 'y' and he is friends with 'z', I can also be friends with 'z'.Creators are not sure whether to promote it as a dating site or something else.

you are believed to be popular if you happen to have a high number of friends.Well, people who have shitload of friends online, don't have friends in real life, they don't go out, they don't date.
Because if someone asked them "Would you like to have dinner with me tonight"

they'd simply answer " no... actually.. I'll be online, I am just 1 short of 500 friends"

With shit like these on Internet, no wonder I have started to put on weight.

REALITY TELEVISION SUCKS

After being forced to watch Television of late. I was appalled at the dreadful depths to which Indian on screen entertainment has fallen. The trashiness that saturates the programs offered for our viewing makes me feel physically ill - and secretly intrigued.

I was watching one show "Raaz pichele janam ka".This show is among the top 5 shows of the month as far as TRP's are concerned. It's hosted by a guy who speaks too loudly emphasizing every word that he utters, with a middle aged lady(I am trying to be kind here she's not really middle aged:oops mentioning this would defy the purpose) who wears fancy junk jewellery around her neck. She takes people into their last life through regression(i am sure its not the one we learnt during our maths classes).

We've had a string of pathetic reality shows in the last few years however What i fail to understand though is that how these stupid shows continue to survive. Reality television stinks of sewage man!

From Splits Villa to Emotional Atyachar I learnt one thing-the only thing that sells in INDIA is sex. If you can not show it on National television..talk about it,ha. Want to be on the show..learn to abuse, it's very easy ..can't abuse.. then get yourself Assfucked, see , very easy. Every channel has got a couple of reality shows where either the participants are abusing the shit out of each other or the judges, pfft...

News channels have gone berserk with sting operations.It's race among the sick channels with zero credibility for who gets to peek into the celebrities bedrooms first.They are working there socks off to tell you, who is sleeping with who.I am not denying the fact that we enjoy these shows, but for heaven's sake you are not some gossip channel, don't you have other issues to talk about like poverty, communal harmony and stuff. Indian television, a place where every one's willing to outdo each other righteousness, it seems is an aberration.

MY TOP 5 HOLLYWOOD MOVIES

Now since 2009 has officially ended.I am going to post my top 5 Hollywood movies of 2009

1- Public enemies

This was a wonderfully made gorgeous rendering of bygone era of 1933 The climax is pure magic. It would blow the pants off of all the summer blockbusters.

2- Inglorious Bastards

I had been waiting for this movie for last one year and when I got to see the exquisite touch of Quintine Tarantino I was mesmerised. I have loved every movie of his (Resvoir Dogs was the best).

3- UP

Up is a story of a grumpy old man who ties balloons to his old house..5 minutes into the movie you get hooked on and dont wants this movie to end.Its entertaining, non offensive and is liked by all ages.So rent yourself a DVD and have fun.

4- Hangover

I saw this movie three times and every time, laughed my guts out.This is one movie you do not want to miss. It has some hillarious momemts that will get you cracking up with laughter.My cheek bones hurt i had laughed so much.

5- Harry Potter and the half blood prince

I do not know why i liked this movie so much.Its right up there with Prisnor's of azkaban and these are only two full harry potter movies that i have watched.I am not a big fan harry potter but still enjoyed the movie.

My top 5 action Movies of 2009

1- X-MEN

2- TRANSFORMERS 2

3- TERMINATOR SALVATION

4- 2012

5- AVATAR

TOP 5 BOLLYWOOD MOVIES OF 2009

2009 has been an eventful year.Today I am going to post my list top five's of 2009, lets begin with top five bollywood movies.

Top five Bollywood movies at the box office.

1- 3 IDIOTS Grossing over 110,00,00,000(Final figure are yet to come as it's still

running)

This movie is all set to beat the hell out of GHAJANI,it has crossed a whopping 70 crore mark in less than 2 weeks. Wonderful promotion, great marketing complimented by lovely music guaranteed a grand opening and it delivered what it promised.Recent controversy over credit not given to Chetan Bhagat has helped the book as much as the movie.

2- LOVE AAJ KAL Grossing over 66,35,00,000

The highly talked about Imitiz ali's L.A.K surpassed expectations with a brilliant
beginning generating about 70 percent business from the multiplexes sure to make Saif Ali khan happy.

3- AJAB PREM KI GAZAB KAHANI Grossing over 63,05,00,000

Raj Kumar Shantosi once again proved that he hasn't lost his touch at making romantic comedies.Tremendous marketing, exceptionally brilliant music and first time pairing of Ranbir and Katrina turned this movie into a super hit crossing 30 crore in its first week.

4- WANTED Grossing over 60,54,00,000

The debut film of Prabhu Deva gave Salman Khan his biggest hit in two years.While the masses came out to catch Salman on screens people like me chose to watch "What's Your Rashee" .Though I saw it later and consider this an entertaining flick.

5- KAMBAKKTH ISHQ Grossing over 47,48,00,000

Akshay proves his box office king status with this.I consider this one of the most worst made movies of the year but I ain't the one who decides.The movie made over 35 crore in its first week.Akhshay has got a string of flops last year, we hope he gives us those great comedies again.


My top movies of 2009

This is the list of movies that i liked during 2009. These were the films that had the courage to change the way Indian cinema was looked at.All of them made money which ensures that we will get to see more of these movies this year that different from the usual bollywood melodrama.

1- 3 idiots

2- Dev D

3- Delhi 6

4- Kaminey

5- Paa

HAPPY NEW YEAR

HAPPY NEW YEAR people . I wish you peace, love, heath, blah! blah! in 2010.
screw all that gyan!!! I wish you sex, alcohol, orgasms, Armani suits, Gucci bags, and i wish you win the fuckin' promotion over the next best guy.

Happy Holidays and i Happier new year.